this is where it starts

this is where it starts.
this is the start of me just giving up cuz 1. if he doesnt know then i'll keep it that way 2. if he does know that i know that he knows and he never talked to me about it then i'll keep it that way, he doesnt wanna talk.
all i know that now, i gotta put all my hope in God cuz He'll help me. things between now are just so weird, we barely talk. what i planned for in the beginning to tell him during conference won't be happening. cuz now i just have this feeling i should give up. i think i can live on without ever knowing what he thinks. even as i ask him now, he just says wrong IM or he doesnt remember. i was just thinking, what does he remember. does he remember how awesome it used to be? just the 3 of us playing handball on the weekend. i long for those moments when it was just normal between us. if it takes me not talking to him for a couple of days, weeks, or months....i'll do it. i'll do whatever it takes to restore the friendship we had. the friendship we had would feel so much better then what i feel like now. i feel this sadness and sorrow inside me whenever i think of it and see him. it's like he doesnt want to talk about even when it was that obvious. maybe all of this is just in my head and he doesnt know a thing but it's all getting to me. like i just wanted to cry it all out. i never knew it could be this painful.....

tomorrow will be sam's sweet 16, hopefully it will bring me up and i can meet new ppl. weirdest part...nelson is going and he doesn't even know her haha