8.16.09 a new hope

since i didnt have internet yesterday i decided to blog on my phone and save it for whenever i get to a computer and just put it up then. well here it is.

a regular sunday and a week after it seems like he found out. 

10am

im even afraid to go out and see him, and see him and her together. why am i even doing this to myself? i know he doesnt like her or anyone but yet i do this to myself.  i try to talk like nothing happened. like we're just regular friends again, but it just feels so weird. its like one day he's avoiding me and another its like we're back to regular friends....maybe its all in my head....nothing feels the same anymore, nothing does, it's like summer is a nightmare, everything is going the opposite of how i thought it would be. i cant stay in the same room as him without talking to him or someone else in there cuz its just so awkward. its so early and im already thinking so much...

later on...

i guess its alright not talking to him anymore, i gotta give up someday...i've fallen for him so much already, he changed me so much, i miss it all.

if he really isnt the one God meant for me then let me forget about him. i dont wanna like someone that makes me cry over him. this person next to me now is an awesome guy! why cant i like him instead? that would make my life so much easier. but life is hard like that. thats why i fell for someone that different and hard to understand. why did i start liking him? for his looks? for his smarts? for his almost perfectness? i could imagine a future with him, maybe its cuz i thought of the future i want and not the future God has prepared for me. maybe cuz of that, thats why it had to be ruined before it was too late. even though im not 100% sure if he knows or not, i can be sure that i'll get over him. trust in the Lord with everything... maybe this person next to me can be.... 

im jogging and oh how i wish that it can be like this forever, never ending road and if theres an end to it, let it be the light of God.  i found out lotsa things today. i needa distance myself from him, then everything will jus stop. then maybe this guy next to me is the one God meant, who knows....i jus gotta get over him!! a new bear will come sooner or later.

personality can open doors but character keeps them open.