it's better off lying, cuz once he knows, he'll start pushing you away. cuz the truth would be too hard to say.....
too many times this happened...

volleyball!!!

i <3 volleyball!! i was playing for friend day today and i played alright. not the greatest but i made it through. the thing i hated was playinng with the herald ppl and they were good but i had no clue what to do. made me feel so out of the circle. but i liked it after we did digging drills and king of the court. it was funn playing cuz i got to play with different teams everytime and i could play with everyone. it was really fun! i missed sunday school and part of worship today...took me so long just to be able to leave. but in the end i still made it to service and got to hear a bit about the sermon.

i hurt my thumb playing volleyball =(

im so glad things got cleared up. i dont feel crazy about him anymore, but theres still part of me that can't look away from him if he's right in front of me. i liked him alot, liked. i'm so glad i have these close friends that can help me through it all.

whenever i hear about it, i wished it was me, i dont know why....

the time travelers wife

it was a good movie. i was crying when henry the main character died even though it was obvious he was gonna die. it was so nice when the older version of the daughter went back in time to tell the younger version of herself that she needs to be ready for her daddy to die when she was five. time traveling is so mah fan, especially when you see someone close to you die multiple times. it was so sad when the wife had miscarriages so many times cuz the baby was time traveling out of her womb =( but it was funny when she cheated on him with the youger version of himself. i went to see it with sze then we went to davids place. his mom kept asking me alot of questions but i guess thats how azn parents are. i really like his roof, its so comfortable just sitting there and relaxing. i could literally fall asleep there. too bad it was cloudy, coulda seen some stars if it wasn't.

again, today is one of those days where i realize many things. when i get too close to someone i end up getting pushed away and away further. is it really that hard being close friends? i realized it the hard way...maybe i wish for my own happiness too often. i want other people to be happy too, even if it means getting pushed away, getting avoided...i knew it before he said it, i just couldn't get myself to believe it. it was so obvious out there too, i needed to hear it. but i've already let go. there's no need to know more about it or to bring it up again....

i just wish i can go to church tomorrow...

being at home.....

i jus wanna get outta here. mad yelling all the time. and to add to that people asking me stupid questions.....

i just wanna take my guitar outside and start playing whatever....

the way everything used to be

it was mad nice back then....the way we used to be...the way cana used to be with all the old seniors. i miss them, even though i say to felix im not gonna miss him lol it was mad fun back then. going out to dinner with them and just going to the movies. people that left that i was pretty friendly with was stanely, calvin and felix. it's gonna be a long while before i see them again. tim is staying pretty close. i know what college he's in =p we're all growing up so the way we used to be will always be remembered. :]

love in a complicated world =T it's hard so i might as well not think about it. it's nice now where i dont feel the stress and the awkwardness. it's fun being around him and im getting tighter with more people because of the problems i had. friends are def forever <3 once i can put something down, something new can start forming. a new feeling is tingling in my heart but it won't be much a bother :]
summer conference is near!!!

....happy?

8.26.09 student leader retreat

i was late for the student leader retreat today =.= i went to stop and shop in hte morning to get mini cupcake pans and they had mad nice stuff there! c-town isnt doing that great now =( ot much baking stuff except for the brownie mixes. i make them pretty moist. anyways lunch break i had congee and lemon with honey. it was sooo colldd in 605 >.< the guys are eating popeyes....they're gonna get so sick of it after they're done lol mad food there but im sick so congee for me =(
one of the topics we did was finding out our talent and what came up for me was serving, teaching, mercy and healing. i think the one that fit me most was serving. alot of people thought serving was one of my best talents also. i like serving other people, not to be served. im not that great of a leader but i can serve. i love teaching and sharing the gospel to little kids too. it just gives me great joy when kids know we need to pray before we eat. i have the desire to heal people when they aren't in the greatest mood but im not great at it. i really think serving is the best. i love to help others in need and whenever they need me im there. i like doing the stuff most girls wouldn't do like carry a gazillion boxes, and when people carry one at a time, i carry 2. because i like serving others. it's the same reason why God sent Jesus. He came down to earth not to be serve but to serve others and save them.
after the meetings i went to junior's to get a cheesecake for debby. she's leaving saturday and we talked about cheesecake yesterday so i bought one for the people that went to her place. we talked about scary stories and jonathan got so scared lol debby invited us back tomorrow so i bakes some mini cupcakes :D i dont wanna use too much money. we're gonna tell more scary stories! it's so much fun with debby, and its so sad that she's leaving =(

i listened to sam and just not think about it. it really works. like i just stop thinking about this relationship stuff and my mind is all cleared up. my heart feels calmer once i just stop thinking about it. i can wait and just let time do it all. it's better to just let things go as it is, and let us grow spiritually together so in the future we can be ready to think about this stuff. right now all i wish is for them to be happy. i've let go and stopped thinking about it. the two best things i've done about this situation so far.

8.25.09

it was a bit awkward today...for me at least, especially in quickly's

they were....

they seemed much like a couple.

406's day out.

today was just awesome and it went so smootly. it couldn't have been any better. 4 things i did today that i have never done before.
1.go to flushing
2.korean bbw
3. toto's
4. red mango
i had mad fun today and it was just so tiring. so this morning i had to wake up early to bring my stuff home from my grandmas place then i had to go back there and clean up. it took me about 2 hours to get to flushing =( took so longg and when i got there i nearly got lost. i walked out the train station and i had no clue where i was. i was so lost and everything looked mad different to me. tim is horrible at giving directions >_> he told me to walk towards old navy's but theres 2 directions, main st and roosevelt ave.....anywaysss everyone was there except for samantha and coughcoughgary......it was a longggg walk to picnic garden and there was nic waiting for us. and he had time to go to staples to get school supplies while waiting for us. korean bbq was so awesome, we were there eating for 2 hours. fairy dust hahahas and we burned so many things. carmen and courtney put together a photo album of pics from 406 ;D tim was about to "sweat" some more tears lol. it was so beautiful and such an awesome gift. it was just so meaningful and on the back of it, there was this quote that courtney put, some of us walked in as strangers, but in the end, we walked out as family. and it's just so true cuz we all got closer like family. and today when we were hanging out it felt like family day out lol. we took a group pic of every that went before wilson had to leave. he left pretty early tho =(
after 2 hours we left and i could smell!! i smelled like korean bbq! and it doesnt come off for a while i heard. =( then we went to toto's!! nic lost his bow while walking there and he didnt even notice when lol madd fun trying to fit the 8 of us into that small thing and taking the pictures too lol we managed to take 4 pics and we picked two of them and there was just excatly enough for all 8 of us to get 2 each. ;D mad awesome time. it was got really hot in there. and when it came out i wonder where tim's eyes went LOL he had no eyes and nic was so tiny in teh back lol.
welll after we stopped by red mango!! my first time eating frozen yogurt!! it was so yummmy and it made me so fulll!! we stayed there talking about our kids for a pretty long time. jaclyn left after a while and there goes 2 ppl! we're losing ppl!! there were these 2 kids on the table next to us and they liked tim's bow so we gave them 2 cuz there were 2 infants. and i gave them my rose too cuz i was so bored i started folding roses. and i get so into folding stuff lol. we eventually left red mango cuz we stayed there for a while. it was around 5 already and we stayed in red mango for an hour. by that time nic had to leave cuz he needed to be home at 730 for dinner aww he's being such a good boy and he's the oldest there. so there was 3 people that left leaving only me carmen courtney elaine tim and flora.
we went about almost everywhere and of course me being a brooklyn person had no clue where to go. then i followed them and we walked to queens crossing which had a really cool "niagara falls" and 4 cow statues lol i needed to tinkle so i went to find the bathroom first. then we went to this other building right next door and there was this pond with fishies and so many pennies there!! carmen attempted couting all of them....stuy haha.... there was wayyy too many to count. and wee took pics there cuz there was a pretty staircase there ;D and so many fishies!!! but we couldn't loiter there for that long and flora needed to leave. so there goes another. =( only me tim carmen elaine and courtney left. so we went to quickly's...i dont think i ever gotten anything from quickly's lol and i didnt get anything today. lol we chilled there and chatted for a good hour before we all finally split and went home. i was so tireddddd FOOD COMA!! =( we chatted about sdc and the kids a bit more till carmen had to get off and take the R train. then i finally slept while standing up lol. i was sooo tired and i didnt that till i got to newkirk and transferesd to the B. i was mad tired and i needed to sleep. it was such a longgg funnn superrr fun day!!

next time we def gotta have shabu shabu or something like that in the winter!! we must hang out again!! and samantha gotta come, and nic gotta be back from bing. hope he has fun in college lol super fun day with the 406 teachers and volunteers <3 my sdc '09 family!

super swollen eye

D; i woke up yesterday with a swollen eye=( my right eye is swollen, dunno what happened tho. doctors said its an infection so i gotta put eyedrops on it. eyedrops hurt =( im so afraid of them. nelson took my phone into the bathroom to read the text messages =.= he didnt wash his hands when he came out...i hope he didnt use the bathroom lol omg in 131 gym theres like locker rooms on the side n i went in, its so dark andscary like one missed call. cant believe i walked in alone.

last night i had a dream that i was leading worship along side nelson. lol crazyydream that wont be happening for a while but it was great and i remember everything went smoothly. i hope that dream will happen someday although i wont have the chance of being JAMS leader in the future since kassia is there and she is awesome. i also remember saying god is good all the time, all the time god is good. lol thats one of the things i remember calvin saying back when he was here. 

when i see them both i wish the old days were back cuz that feeling was the same like it was a couple months ago. that friendly feeling in my heart of warmth. 

but sadly i have this feeling in my heart...i dont want the same to happen where everything went wrong...i gotta see where this feeling leads me...

last day of sdc, last year with ms. anna

i never knew how much this day meant to me, i wrote down every minute of it. from beginning to end...

i'll remember this day from beginning to end. the last assembly was great and all the teachers and volunteers went up for a last song. it was just amazing, i let the kindergarten kids sign my yearbook n i hope they'll remember me too. i made a pinky promise with noelle for her to remember me! i really hope they do!! the kindergarteners have free time for the whole day! so happy to spend it with them. my class has gym so im enjoying every second spending time with these kids in the nursery. it's so comfortable here and it holds so many memories of me playing with the kids and getting them to sleep.

the last devotions with ms anna forever...makes me a bit sad, but i'll enjoy every second of it. im so happy to have a new brother in Christ, ricky!! he just raised his hand as being one of the few to accept Christ as their savior this summer. i'm so happy cuz i remember him saying one time that he's not there at bible study to learn more about God, he likes the debating there...but im so happy to see that all of that has changed, he became a believer!! ms anna gave out CDs that her daughter made n i really wanted one! but i didnt get one...but i know that people who do not know Christ and accpeted him as their savior need it more then i do. i know that God has His reasons for every decision that He makes and its for my own good. 

it's not till the end of the day till i know how sad it is to leave these kids!! they made me want to cry, especially yi ling and emily...i love them! i got the kids icee for snacks cuz its the last day and it was so hot. carmen, flora and courtney got them snacks too. we all just loved the kids so much we needed to get them something.  when Tim quieted the class down for dismisal he said "boys and girls, this is really important, you must listen to everything i say and not miss anything. Guys, GO HUG THE TEACHERS AND VOLUNTEERS!! and right after he said that he ran out. i went for the door and so did elaine..and my poor finger got hurt...i regret not letting the kids hugs me but i know that i would start crying right then and there. it really didnt hit me yet tho. when mr nic said "406 this is our last time lining up lets pay attention" it really made me sad inside... this summer can never be replaced, ever. i can never forget them either. the times in music, when king jesus is all came on, yi ling does it so girly when its like yeah yeah yeah. im so gonna cry....yea im crying already cuz theres no next year n idk when we'll see each other again...i hope God will bring us together again. and by then we will grow to love each other. i cant stop cryinggggg

it was such an amazing day!! i just realized how much closer i got to a few people this summer! like nelson and sze both said that this summer brought us much closer and im so glad. i hate how though after i stopped crying and i was alone, nelson had to come next to me and tell me how i've been a great help to his kids this summer. made me start crying again, but it was tears of joy knowing how i was there to help. he started saying how this summer brought us much closer, and it got to me. a waterfall of tears started coming out. it just made me so happy knwing that sdc can bring so many people closer and relationships start forming. this summer made me realize the many things that can happen. i lost a relationship but a new one formed in its place. God has really blessed me with a great summer and the last sdc for ms anna. i didnt really realize how much i loved these kids till the very end came. i even miss samuel and hao qin! i guess they're too young to understand. i got pretty hungry after crying hahas i cried a tissue for every kid in my class and kindergarten! that took up so much of my energy i went to yaya's for food then to bible study, and calvin just left. i wont be seeing him till thanksgiving...i wont miss him lol jkjk i will miss him very much actually.

it was a great end to sdc...a few of us went up to the roof before we went home after bible study and chilling in 602. i took a nap in there, i want to sleep so much now. T_T i been deprived cuz i gotta wake up for work and church everyday. i dont wanna go back to school, just like emily said i want to stay in sdc forever! there was a nice breeze on the roof and i saw a star up there. i wish we could bring dinner up there to eat instead of going out and having to pay for tips to. so the day ends there with me taking the train with carmen and nelson. it seemed like so much happened today...a day i'll never forget. the last day of sdc with ms anna that served for 20 years.

end of the last day of sdc....

in the beginning of the day i thought it would be a normal day and not even thinking i would cry either. everyone slacked off just a bit and ying made pranks on his volunteers and edmond wanted to egg ying!! thats just crazy.  i slept in naptime with the kindegarteners. i overslept and went back late but tim didnt even care. no one cared. we left the classroom and went around everywhere visiting people. as i think back, so many people cried yesterday, even the ones that would never cry and i've never seen cry like Tim and kingston. tim i thought would never cry but he did. he "sweated" alot of tears. many people cried in the sanctuary. if u went in u would just see crying people everywhere. the kids didnt understand that it was the last year of sdc and theres no next year, and its ms anna's last year too.  i guess that was the main reason why so many people had cried. its the last year, if there was a next year i wouldnt be crying so much. i doubt tim would cry either if there was a next year and cuz we had the younger kids. its so much easier to bond with the younger kids. i never knew how much i loved them till they were gone. i miss jeffrey and samuel. they were the hard ones but they played a role in the class. everyone did, yi ling the smart one and jeffrey the kisser. kenneth and kristie i love so much. they were just awesome. the kindegarteners i couldnt let go of. when i saw alivia and kate the last ones i left, i just held them in my arms and cried. emily and yi ling were my babies! i just hugged them and cried too. i couldn't help myself cuz they all said i'll miss u and i'll never forget you....i will never forget them either. it was such a great end to sdc. if i write any more i'll start crying again. 

even the strongest ones cry at one point...

stafff dinner

i stained my white dress =(

this was a great end to sdc, and for ms. anna. this will be her last year doing sdc and this is gonna be the last year of sdc till it reopens after renovations. it will be at least 2 years sadly, so there wont be our fun summers together anymore. its just when i entered cana there had to be renovations. i really hope that even without sdc there to help my faith grow, i can still continue to grow in faith and believing the Lord.  i really hope i can open the eyes of the people that aren't believers yet, especially my closest ones that have worked with me this summer.  i pray that they will see what the Lord has done for them this summer and come back to fellowship on sundays.  i really want to urge them to come on sundays.  its relaxing to just have fun with fellow hs kids. even though next year wont be the same i wanna make the best of this summer!!  so tomorrow i'll def make the best of the last day of the last sdc...

staff dinner and superstars was awesome today!! bu was the winner of course cuz he's awesome! and i enjoyed the dancing even though i messed up a few here and there. everything is going by so quick! i guess i amazed a few people that thought girls couldnt break dance and i sang my heart out. i got over my stage fright! i wasnt afraid to sing, or nervous at all. i think it was cuz i was sick. with my voice so bad i could only sing low pitched and it was awesome! like it wasn't hard for me to sing at all!i was so happy even though i didn't win. winning wasn't the reason i did superstars, i did it because i wanted a happy memory of the last sdc! sdc '09 has been great and the memories are unforgetable. this summer felt so fulfilling because i did something so meaningful! it went by really quick but i also had many fun memories cuz ocm is like my home. like people mentioned in that video to ms anna, ocm became my second home. its the people in ocm that makes it perfect. im happy that i still have sundays to see ms anna and my brothers and sisters in Christ. 

tomorrow, the last day of sdc '09 will def. be the best everrrrr!!!

this summer made a difference to me. i realized many things about liking someone. letting go was an easier way, it's so much easier to communicate once i did that. and now i have opened doors everywhere because of personality and this new persons character is keeping the door open for me. 

closing ceremony.

its so much easier once i jus loosened up. its so much easier to talk to him, that awkwardness is kinda gone. being in the same group as him in outreach wasn't that hard n once i let go of my sadness its so stressless.  

closing ceremony was so awesome!! my kids were great and the volunteers did an awesome job on superhero! i was yu gi oh and i found my old yu gi oh cards and started throwing them out to the crowd.  but like the 4th graders did a remix to superhero and added soulja boy moves into i. edmond taught his kids that lol i think quite a few classes used that song. so sick of it now lolol. awesome day but i gotta worry about superstars now!! i'm coughing so much i hope i can still sing!!

nelsons right...to let go of someone, someone has to go into your life, and thats excatly what happenened. 

love is blind.

love is blind. 

it can mean so much when someone is there for you when you're heartbroken. i been prepared to get over him, and now maybe people were right. what they thought was right. this other guy i might really like. he was always there for me when i got sad over him.  its about time i forget about this guy, he avoided me. it takes time to forget a person and its only possible when u meet someone new. or when you finally notice that theres another person thats always been by your side. although i cant see what the future has planned for me i know that God will take care of it. today pastor Sandy talked about something really important. pray about the one you will marry in the future, pray for him. the skit trust fall made me think a lot. i was just thinking am i putting all my trust in God or just in myself? that question was stuck in my mind the whole time. and in the end i could only think of no. i haven't been. i was always counting on myself and never really ask God to help me find out. and now after i have been praying about it, i know what to do.  i will continue on my life without crying over this again. because love is patient and kind. i will never let these things get to me again. it took a while but i finally get it....this new person...

chubby bunnyy....threw up red stuff

banana game...won the first one, lost the second

8.16.09 a new hope

since i didnt have internet yesterday i decided to blog on my phone and save it for whenever i get to a computer and just put it up then. well here it is.

a regular sunday and a week after it seems like he found out. 

10am

im even afraid to go out and see him, and see him and her together. why am i even doing this to myself? i know he doesnt like her or anyone but yet i do this to myself.  i try to talk like nothing happened. like we're just regular friends again, but it just feels so weird. its like one day he's avoiding me and another its like we're back to regular friends....maybe its all in my head....nothing feels the same anymore, nothing does, it's like summer is a nightmare, everything is going the opposite of how i thought it would be. i cant stay in the same room as him without talking to him or someone else in there cuz its just so awkward. its so early and im already thinking so much...

later on...

i guess its alright not talking to him anymore, i gotta give up someday...i've fallen for him so much already, he changed me so much, i miss it all.

if he really isnt the one God meant for me then let me forget about him. i dont wanna like someone that makes me cry over him. this person next to me now is an awesome guy! why cant i like him instead? that would make my life so much easier. but life is hard like that. thats why i fell for someone that different and hard to understand. why did i start liking him? for his looks? for his smarts? for his almost perfectness? i could imagine a future with him, maybe its cuz i thought of the future i want and not the future God has prepared for me. maybe cuz of that, thats why it had to be ruined before it was too late. even though im not 100% sure if he knows or not, i can be sure that i'll get over him. trust in the Lord with everything... maybe this person next to me can be.... 

im jogging and oh how i wish that it can be like this forever, never ending road and if theres an end to it, let it be the light of God.  i found out lotsa things today. i needa distance myself from him, then everything will jus stop. then maybe this guy next to me is the one God meant, who knows....i jus gotta get over him!! a new bear will come sooner or later.

personality can open doors but character keeps them open.

no matter

i just now know that no matter what pain he caused me or what ever has happened,
the person that's still deep in my heart is him.
he's still the one that i like.
he changed me. a lot.

he's avoiding me...

haven't talked to him for while. it's been a while since we had a long convo on aim and in person. he's been avoiding me. he doesn't want to face the fact that i like him. im so sure he knows and he just avoids me whenever i ask him about it. i guess i've kinda accepted the fact but there's always false hope out there that just breaks my heart. it's so obvious that he avoids me now. its just so hard to forget, to forget the times we spent together happily as friends. it just won't happen anymore. he had to have read my blog to know all of this. i thought summer was suppose to bring happiness but it just brought more pain for me. im happy with all my friends at SDC and the boston team are awesome! but this pain overcomes any happiness that ever comes along. when i see him, i feel the pain in my heart. i feel the pain of him avoiding me and just throwing me to the side. if he does know and he does read this, does he enjoy seeing me like this? why can't we just talk about the stuff between us so i can get it over with?

i really wish that the person i like wasnt him. if it was someone else like people said, it would be so much easier.....

sam's sweet 16

i had my most awesomest first sweet 16 party that i went to. and i funniest thing was nelson went. he made the party FUN!! and not to make him feel better but it was, he make it awesomeee! i haven't danced like that in a while and supposedly we were the only pair that was guy and girl when it was time for the slow songs. the rest of the people paired up with the same sex. madd funny and we had to do that for 2 songs. then it was courtney's turn to dance with him. i had an awesome time cuz i haven't danced so crazy since last year. it wasn't dirty dancing as some people would think but just jumping up and seeing nelson dance was so nice. he went pretty crazy and of course sam was the center of attention. and we all thought nelson went to her party just to hit on her LOL nahh he was my"date" LOL jkjk he just went for fun and he was loved and invited. he gotta chill and stop worrying!! i wish the pics can go up soooon!!! nelson did some pretty funny things hahas but we both knew where to stop lol i wish it coulda lasted longer =T

there was only one thing missing too. i wished that my partner for the dance was him, even though i liked nelson and it was fun, it didn't feel right. i wish he coulda came, but things are different now. i feel like he's avoiding me...

this is where it starts

this is where it starts.
this is the start of me just giving up cuz 1. if he doesnt know then i'll keep it that way 2. if he does know that i know that he knows and he never talked to me about it then i'll keep it that way, he doesnt wanna talk.
all i know that now, i gotta put all my hope in God cuz He'll help me. things between now are just so weird, we barely talk. what i planned for in the beginning to tell him during conference won't be happening. cuz now i just have this feeling i should give up. i think i can live on without ever knowing what he thinks. even as i ask him now, he just says wrong IM or he doesnt remember. i was just thinking, what does he remember. does he remember how awesome it used to be? just the 3 of us playing handball on the weekend. i long for those moments when it was just normal between us. if it takes me not talking to him for a couple of days, weeks, or months....i'll do it. i'll do whatever it takes to restore the friendship we had. the friendship we had would feel so much better then what i feel like now. i feel this sadness and sorrow inside me whenever i think of it and see him. it's like he doesnt want to talk about even when it was that obvious. maybe all of this is just in my head and he doesnt know a thing but it's all getting to me. like i just wanted to cry it all out. i never knew it could be this painful.....

tomorrow will be sam's sweet 16, hopefully it will bring me up and i can meet new ppl. weirdest part...nelson is going and he doesn't even know her haha

my stupidity

i am really stupid. i really am...

him (10:51:29 PM): u know wats publiv?

him (10:51:33 PM): her blog!!

Patriciazhen (10:51:41 PM): ??

him (10:51:45 PM): thats why everybody knkows!!

him (10:51:45 PM): lol

him (10:51:46 PM): patricias

Patriciazhen (10:51:50 PM): wat??

he is offline (10:53:50 PM)

from these few words, alot came known to me. he was talking about my blog, and that it's public. and knowing something. that something is me liking him i think...thats the only thing i write about on my blog now. he was probably talking to someone else and said it to me by accident but it wasn't the ppl i asked already. i dont know who it was and im so sure that he reads my blog and know that i like him. and he signed off after saying it. everything is making sense to me now...
he prob doesnt like the idea that everyone knows, and now we're mad distant. we barely talk even though we see each other everyday. i dont think there's a point in telling him anymore. i know how the outcome will be. it's gonna be like how it's been, but even more awkward and weird between us. i know its too soon to say that he doesnt like me but i have this feeling he doesnt. i should really start giving up and moving on now...

i took it off my profile already.

what's so different anyways?

i always thought of him as being different then other people from before,  but i looked at him today and just wondered. he's just like any other guy isn't he? he jokes around and makes perverted jokes. well kinda.  there are times that i think that he's so different and special to me but there are also times that he just treats me like any other girl.  when theres a bunch of people like today he doesnt even talk to me, and when its only us 2 we don't even talk anymore.  i think that this time it's so different but is it really? i think too much of it. i really do. but one thing is for sure, i really like him alot. as i look at him now, i can see how much i like him. i look at him differently. i think of him differently. i learned so much about love when i think about him. i understand that love is patient, love is kind. i would do about anything for him and i would wait as long as i have to for him. i've waited for about 5 months already. and i have been patient. maybe in the following months i will learn what the verses mean. and i will understand fully what love means. only when i learn what it means, will i cherish it even more and fall in love.  there's still one thing that lingers in my mind, should i ever tell him?

will he ever like me in return?

all i want is to love and be loved in return. 

happy birthday calvin!

it was such a long day today!!! it was also calvins 18th! i kinda got mad at him cuz i thought he would go to sam ash and he ran off but i got over it. it took julie a while but she finally got over it. i made him a cake and we had brownies to eat. then we went to seaport as planned. i got san's present at a&f. it's a pretty nice shirt and on sale too. then we went into the mall and sat there while a few ate. me and carmen got calvin another piece of cake for him, tiramisu. he likes it =) we sat around and watched the view from the pier and it was nicee and comfy. i wanna see the sunset at battery park next week. and we can get jamba juice there too. we chatted and played guitar. it was such a nice time to hang just for calvin's birthday. cana needs to go out more and have FUN!

i wished he was there with him enjoying the time....

haircuttt!!!

my hair is so shorttt now!! bangs are even shorter T_T arghh can't wait till it grows out!

today was a pretty nice day. the weather was nice. and i was so happy to give him a band aid LOL seems like the smallest things makes me happy. like he asked around for one and no one had but i did!!! so happy! and then he was like to carmen "see patricia had a band aid" i was just so happy to do something for him. and its the funniest way to how he got a cut LOL and i helped him put it on ^_^

now there's another person that knows.

community fun day!!

first day of august, a month has passed already. time goes by so fast.

today was the community fun day at ocm. i got my sesame street t shirt lol it says 154 hester street. i had an awesome day even though i wasn't really talking to him much... but he did offer his guitar to play. :] i'm happy with that. i really miss those days back a few months ago...