ups and downs

i went through many ups and downs this week, and i still been thinking about him. i still wonder what he thinks of me, wondering if he thinks of me at all and wonder what he's doing at this very moment. and whenever i see him its still painful to not know what to say or do. me trying to make it casual ends up just walking away and yesterday...right when i walked out he left. i'm so afraid that he knows but i remembered these lyrics... I know I'm weak, I know I'm unworthy, To call upon Your name, but because of grace, because of Your mercy, I stand here unashamed.

Youth Sunday was amazing preparing for it was awesome too! i was so excited for it and choosing clothes for kingston was so funny xD although he wasn't there for the weekend, i managed to get through. i loved the songs that we were singing. The stand and unashamed! my favorite songs but the best thing was probably Nelson's testimony and him doing little by little.

Harry Potter movie wasn't as great as i expected =T i went with calvin felix and kevin, but i only sat next to calvin cuz it was mad full. i only got scared in one part but it was alright. wasn't as great as i expected. me and calvin was talking and felix being so nosey told tim about some stuff and he was like he knows who bear is and it got me so mad!!! D:< but it's so hard for me to stay mad at someone so i was alright the next day.

even though i see him every day in this summer it wasn't what i expected everything to be. i wanted us to be talking everyday and chilling but now...it's just not how i pictured it. we're even further apart as friends. and we don't talk on aim now either... we slowly died out...dana said i was like this when i like sunny also but i'm way worse now. and i liked sunny for a pretty long time...3 years? maybe around there. but this time i feel really different. i feel like we were so close and we're so far apart. i pray to God to help me let go. i know i don't have a chance. i just have this feeling. no matter how much i continue to like him...it just won't work out for me...