i should just give up

i should give up. i should...continuing this would just make me feel even worse.
i talked to calvin and carmen about this in Yaya's today. calvin told me alot about everyone in this forest. im in this forest too. but im left alone. im left alone because i know that he likes her and she likes him. im not his type. calvin was pretty sure they like each other. what calvin says is most likely true. its just so hard to accept the fact that he likes her. i shouldn't have had any hopes of him having a bit of feelings for me, it was foolish to think that even for a bit that he liked me. who am i to compare to her? they have known each other for so long and they're so much alike. i can't compare myself to her. i just need some time. i gotta let go and cry it all out. i need time. i can't continue this anymore. i gotta distance myself from him. the pain will be less later. it was just so much simpler 2 months ago, when i didnt know any of this. when we could hb every saturday. when we just joked around. but all of that meant nothing to him. only i thought more of it. only i was the idiot. he doesnt think of me as more then a friend. he musta caught on that i like him. thats what calvin said. and i planned it all out to tell him how i felt at summer conference. now i can't stand seeing him cuz i just get sadder and sadder. i remember how just seeing him made me happier now....i gotta avoid him. i shouldn't have told anyone this. if only i didnt start talking about this. i didnt have to know any of this. i shouldnt have asked calvin about any of this. this is too much to take in...

i remembered when i started liking him...now i'll remember the day i gotta start giving up.