teddy bear

Tim got me this teddy bear hoping it will bring my week up a bit. i been having a pretty bad week. it's like everything is falling apart. i really want to just be outside and wander but Tim doesn't really want me to and as his mui mui, i don't want to get him sad. i really don't want him to know that part of me getting in so much trouble was cuz i went to so many of his games. like if he knew, then he would feel really bad. i'm really lucky to have a dai low like him tho. now whenever i see this teddy bear it will remind me not to go out and wander cuz he'll get worried. he didn't go to school today and i thought it was cuz i got him sick from staying out so late. it was his back pains lol he's getting old! xD having a dai low like this is irreplacable. he's out to TECBC with a bunch of other people. some people from bcbc went. diana, kingston, felix and tim went. i went to see them off at the bus. i hope they have fun! seeing this teddy bear was the only thing that pulled me back from wandering tonight.

i was with simon today to his grandmas place in east broadway so he could drop off his bag. they speak fj but i understood a bit of what his grandma says cuz its kinda like mando. i got dumplings to eat ^_^ and i saved money! i used up 5 bucks buying tim food yesterday...also i dont want him to know. i went late to bible study but when i got there the boys were talking about guy stuff. even debby left the room for them to talk cuz there wasnt any girls there today. it got pretty lonely but i joined in after a while when they were done talking. after bible study since there were a few people that wanted to eat they brought food back to ocm to eat. bringing the old cana tradition back! chyeaaa i played around with the piano and attempted teaching Justin how to play tong hua. he like 1 measure down lolol then it came close to going home. i jus spent that last half hour in ocm just sitting outside. i wanted to be alone and i needed quietness to think. it was still loud tho. 605 where we were in was very loud and in the hallways, the other fellowship was very loud. but we're azns of course we're loud. justin saw me outside and sat with me a bit and more people came out to talk so i stayed in 603, the small dark room. i liked it there. it was so quiet and peaceful. i left around when justin left tho cuz they were so loud in 605...i wanted to keep distance from anyone i know cuz i don't want people to know what's going on. i don't want people to see the sadness in me. i want to keep it to myself. i don't want people getting worried so much over me. it's selfish to want that. i wanted to wander but i made a promise.

i jus love how he cares. even when people are having fun somewhere else he still stayed with me through the silence and listened to me. i'm kinda glad he's not going away this weekend so i have someone to be with. i feel jus so lonely sometimes. like no close friends or anything. and my dai low is gone to tecbc. i might go pick them up monday when they get back =] they'll probably be tired. i probably have nothing to do monday anyways except handball with people. i wonder how this weekend will turn out...