new moon/2012

sooo saturday i saw new moon with jason :] it wasn't as awkward as i thought it would be. i thought it was gonna be weirdd but we talked and i enjoyed it. i hated the ending D: left us hanging!! the book was still better but new moon was better then twilight. i liked it. emily teases me :[
2012 was awesomeeeee!! i loved it better then newmoon. so epic! so dramatic tooo. saw that with my sister on the same day too. i don't wanna spoil it for anyone thats going to watch it. lol so i'll leave it as an awesome epic movie!

focusing on God :]

give thanks

giving thanks to the Lord that gave me this family. they're not believers. they are buddhist. they don't have the same views as i. they forbid me to church sometimes. they are not nice when i say i do. they are my family till the end. i love them. God gave me this family so i must witness to them the love of Christ.
just yesterday my sister asked me so many questions. i felt uneasy in how i should respond but in the end i told her teh truth. she doesn't believe me. but i will show her in time the change that occured in me. the love that God has given me.

insomnia

past few days i been getting insomnia. since last wednesday. this whole week i haven't been getting more then 10 hours of sleep. i don't know why either. is there something wrong with me?

baby steps :)

taking one step at a time like baby steps into asking my mom for conference and STM. i told her the good facts and she read it. hopefully soon she will sign it. God's answering my prayers slowly. even though my mom asked me are u a church person (literal translation) i avoided it. it's so hard saying yes to them about it, knowing the consequences. i'll take it slow. they may never accept me but i know God has His plan for me. gotta be optomistic and keep the sad thoughts in the back of my mind :)

100th baptism

i truly felt God's calling today during the baptism. i felt God right there next to me and telling me it'll be alright cuz He'll put me up there one day. it's the first time outta the 3 baptisms that i been to that i felt so emotional. i was tearing tears of joy to see my friends get baptized. i felt so happy and even though i felt sad in the beginning it went away cuz i know God has a plan for me. i will wait because i want my parents blessings. i love them and i don't want to disobey them. i'm sure there will be a day that they will accept me for who i am and what i've become. i have hope that one day i will be baptized in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

gotta change

we tell them to feel better but in the end we still don't do anything. what is this hypocritical thing that we do? it's like living out our life fully for Christ. sometime's we wander off and it's cause of many things. it's human instinct to wander off when you don't feel accepted and it's also our instinct to assume. it's true it's our job to help the ones led astray to come back to God as said in James 5:19-20 and we try out best. it's possible for us to make mistakes and even be hypocrites. yes, it's our job to live a life for God and spread his word and to help others. but in the end we are still humans aren't we? we can make mistakes, i'm sorry if i did. as leaders we are suppose to help those that are wandering and bring them back to Christ so we try our best. even the tiniest mistakes i want to change. i strive to be more Christ like and to spread His word. it's possible for us to do that even though we have made mistakes in our life. no body is perfect but Jesus. i gotta change for teh better so i can truly help those in need.

"Whoever claims to live in Him must walk as Jesus did" 1 John 2:6

God provides.

they were the ones that God led me to when i needed someone the most. today, one of the hardest days for me God gave me a way.
i walked to church feeling at my lowest then there was so many people at the elevator so i walked up, as i walked i saw them there. just when i needed someone, God provided. i felt so sad missing the prayer and praise day too...i couldn't believe i missed out on so much. but was it in my hands to stop everything? no, it wasn't. i managed to come out but at what stakes? i never know what i'll expect once i come home. why is this...i reallly really wanted to come out so i could give king his present too. as i was there, all of them there just made me smile. it really did. i couldn't bring myself to smile. i just couldn't, all i felt was sorrow and pain. but God provides. He gave me my friends that would put a smile on my face. kingston opening his presents, elaine feeding me and carmen being called courtney x) they are the best. no more sorrow, no more pain

i would like to "reinvent" myself. it's like baptism which i won't be able to attend....

knitting!

omgsh i got into knitting again. this time im knitting for someone's birthday present. i hope the color and size is right >.< i haven't knit for so longg i'm doing so weirdd it's like one stitch is looser then the other aiyahhh
school sucks...i got a 35 AGAIN! this time it's in math. i can't believe i did so bad... and it's a test too! T_T what am i gonna say to my parents =( they're gonna chop my head off. it's not even funny. it's completely azn fail + worse. i been doing bad in school. i hope to keep 90s in most of my classes. i'm trying my hardest in math and french tho. i get the materials, it's just i do HORRIBLE on the the tests and quizzes. even tho i can go to conference and i don't need a 95 avg overall, i still strive for a 90 to show my parents the improvements i been getting. i want to show them that going to church won't interfere with schoolwork but rather helps me and encourages me. i still hope for the best and try my best!
i'm soo addicted to manga now =.= first it was tenshi ja nai! that was a beautiful manga now its special a. it's so addicting but i wont let it interfere with schoolwork!

back to knitting!! i got till friday!!!

reading aim logs..

wow i'm still wondering how we went from talking everyday about anything at all to now...barely even talking. i guess it was all my fault. it really was...looking back and we were so carefree just talking about random stuff and what we were gonna do when we get older. if it's ever possible i'd want to do all that being what we were before. sighs.... i miss it. i should just delete it. 一了百了。time to go chinese and talk about my saddest thoughts...

我真的紀念很久的事，现在不是很尷尬，可是我很怕再爱他。我很想像前一样，無憂無慮。

reminising

yeah i should be sleeping
but as i look at the pictures of summer i start to reminise on those beautiful days, when i was just so carefree and the only thing i worried about was that....
two things that can't get outta my mind and it's of the same subject...
so stupid of me.

election day!

it was a longish day?
didnt get to hang out with the guys much at the party =T so sorry =(

my sharp tongue

why must i have such a sharp tongue against my parents. sometimes they say such ridiculous things it annoys the heck outta me!!! why can't they just stop talking! ughhhh i cant hold back sometimes and i just blow up and talk back. why? why? why?! the only thing left to do is just pray for God to calm my heart...

fall fair '09

it was def different this year! debby wasn't here =( but we had a blast! i'll put up pics later ;D