有时候我真的想离家出走。我还记得这个歌janice-离家出走，可是那个时候我没有想过有离家出走。我想了又想。。。
大哥看到我很不开心。我不想他担心。我不想再烦他。
每一次我有事，我会打给他。我知道他会说我不是烦他因为我是他的妹妹，但是我自己觉得我烦他。我不可以再麻烦他。
alot has happened within the past few days. i been getting alot of people worried especially my dai low. im really sorry... i ran out when felix was trying to get me to eat lunch with them...i ran away from everyone...im really sorry. im really sorry for getting everyone worried on sunday....
i really appreciate my dai low always being there for me for so long. but i gotta learn to rely on myself. i dont wanna keep bothering him and he isnt always gonna be there for me after all he's going to college...
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
tech girls handball dinner
i felt so part of the team today. more then any other day cuz it was everyone and i felt so <3 took many many pics with them girls.<3 and hoffy loved the gifts we got for him. a puzzle and customized shirts&ties. so glad he likes them. i actually wore a dress out for the whole day. and something amazing happened today....
i saw little kids all dressed up, i was wondering if it was graduation at 217. i walked over and it was! it brought back so many memories...<3 i missed those carefree times when we can play around. i saw all these old teachers again! the library teacher, school aides and they remember me! and mrs. Perez. i love her. she the BEST teacher ever. i gave her a hug and talked to her for a while. it was just so happy to see them again. i will def. visit them more often. its been 4 years already. it seems so long ago. the past is so distant. simplicity isnt something that stays foreverm but i want it to last as long as it can. i really miss those good old days.
the past seems so vague and distant.
i saw little kids all dressed up, i was wondering if it was graduation at 217. i walked over and it was! it brought back so many memories...<3 i missed those carefree times when we can play around. i saw all these old teachers again! the library teacher, school aides and they remember me! and mrs. Perez. i love her. she the BEST teacher ever. i gave her a hug and talked to her for a while. it was just so happy to see them again. i will def. visit them more often. its been 4 years already. it seems so long ago. the past is so distant. simplicity isnt something that stays foreverm but i want it to last as long as it can. i really miss those good old days.
the past seems so vague and distant.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
pieces of my heart
past few days i been studying for regents and reading alot.
Power of a Praying Teen...
it's like when i read i start to understand more...
i'm finding the lost pieces of my heart and slowly putting them back together.
forgiveness...breaking free from the past.
i been learning just so much from these chapters....
i sometimes find myself just falling apart. falling to a never ending road of nothingness
i try to fit those pieces of my heart together...
forgiveness can free myself from so much pain, but it's just so hard,
those past mistakes...
i'll never forget them, but can i ever forgive myself of them?
reading more and more i realize my mistakes of the past....
regents have been killing me. i think i just failed my bio regents...
love has been out of my reach and i can't seem to reach far enough
the closer i am the more distant i seem to be...
regents week should be relaxing but i just want it to end. being in church gives me somewhere to be and to feel at home. i just love playing the piano and Halo 3 there. just having fun with my brothers and sisters in Christ. he is there also, but i just can't seem to be close enough to him. she wasn't there. this is just a big love triangle....neverending.
i just wanna worship God with everything i have.
Power of a Praying Teen...
it's like when i read i start to understand more...
i'm finding the lost pieces of my heart and slowly putting them back together.
forgiveness...breaking free from the past.
i been learning just so much from these chapters....
i sometimes find myself just falling apart. falling to a never ending road of nothingness
i try to fit those pieces of my heart together...
forgiveness can free myself from so much pain, but it's just so hard,
those past mistakes...
i'll never forget them, but can i ever forgive myself of them?
reading more and more i realize my mistakes of the past....
regents have been killing me. i think i just failed my bio regents...
love has been out of my reach and i can't seem to reach far enough
the closer i am the more distant i seem to be...
regents week should be relaxing but i just want it to end. being in church gives me somewhere to be and to feel at home. i just love playing the piano and Halo 3 there. just having fun with my brothers and sisters in Christ. he is there also, but i just can't seem to be close enough to him. she wasn't there. this is just a big love triangle....neverending.
i just wanna worship God with everything i have.
Monday, June 15, 2009
last day being a freshie
freshman year has gone by just so fast. i can't believe that its' over already. i'm kinda gonna miss my cluster. just a bit. it's that every person make the cluster fun...watson the butthead, steven teh nerd, richie the annoying one, richard that weirdo and robert.. hahas. everyone just makes part of the cluster fun! this morning mrs. lau was just like a person daniel yu? supposedly goes to ocm and treats me like a sister? i dont think i know a daniel yu thats a sophmore right now...but i was even nice to her today. i'm really gonna miss it. i hope i have a few of these idiots in my classes next year! the day went by so fast!! i had an hour lunch ;D and i snuck into tim's lunch period for the last time ='( im gonna miss it. sneaking in there everytime i have DDP. and there was a food fight today! all the doings of the seniors hahas. i got hit in the face with sauce D: my eye started tearing but i was fine. we were sitting right in the middle when it started...easiest place to be hit by something. then there was some kids that started chanting juanita, Juanita, JUANITA! so funny and she was right there! i managed to get a group pic in french but the cluster refused to take a group pic D: arghhh i really wanted one!! but they day went by too fast...im gonna miss them for sure. summer is just around teh corner ;D
i been having bad nights but dai low is always there to help me out. i'm grateful to have a dai low like him of course. but he's leaving this year. he's having prom tomorrow also. i hope he has fun. then again i hope nothing bad happens tomorrow night either...i won't have my dai low to talk to. this morning i caught him on the train and it was our last train ride to school together. im gonna miss it.
im OD worried about my geometry regents tomorrow...i shouldnt even be blogging but i wanted to take a break. i needed a break. i been OD studying the past week or 2. im just so nervous.
i found my old pocket knife. it looked very tempting...
Power of a Praying Teen.~ i love this book. it's really amazing, it relates to my life so much and it helps a lot. im taking alot of notes on it too. so when i return the book to rocky i still have something to look over. like everybody makes mistakes and it helps us grow...i needed to read that. i been making so many mistakes and i haven't beeen able to get over my past and what i did. i feel as if God would hate me for doing it but He loved us first. God loves so we can love. i'm slowly growing in my walk with the King.
i been having bad nights but dai low is always there to help me out. i'm grateful to have a dai low like him of course. but he's leaving this year. he's having prom tomorrow also. i hope he has fun. then again i hope nothing bad happens tomorrow night either...i won't have my dai low to talk to. this morning i caught him on the train and it was our last train ride to school together. im gonna miss it.
im OD worried about my geometry regents tomorrow...i shouldnt even be blogging but i wanted to take a break. i needed a break. i been OD studying the past week or 2. im just so nervous.
i found my old pocket knife. it looked very tempting...
Power of a Praying Teen.~ i love this book. it's really amazing, it relates to my life so much and it helps a lot. im taking alot of notes on it too. so when i return the book to rocky i still have something to look over. like everybody makes mistakes and it helps us grow...i needed to read that. i been making so many mistakes and i haven't beeen able to get over my past and what i did. i feel as if God would hate me for doing it but He loved us first. God loves so we can love. i'm slowly growing in my walk with the King.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
love in a complex world
its been a while..i been thinking alot.
i just went to the revival meeting today with the special speaker Ajith Fernando. i took some notes also and i think they're alright.
love in a complex world.
the biggest hurt comes from our family...
when there is a pain in our heart that we cant tell anyone, we find one person that we can tell and God can heal that pain.
God keeps forgiving us so isn't it just bad not to forgive others?
we did the worst thing we can do and went against God but he forgave us. so we must forgive people that have hurt us. romans 5:5 God's love have been poured into our hearts. when we see Jesus, we see His love is greater then the wickedness of people. God's love is greater that is why we must forgive others. people can do wicked things to us but He can turn it into something good. you can't outmaneuver God.
don't allow bad people to ruin our joy.
we are listening to ourselves when we should be talking to ourselves.
love is a decision we make.
"father forgive them because they know now what they do" Jesus says this as He was nailed to the cross. an african american girl going to school and being made fun of everyday prays for the parents that make fun of her. for they know not what they do.
we need to allow God to do our healing.
the love of God is greater then the burden of sin. the blood of Jesus Christ cleanses our sin.
hearing this message i have learned alot. just now a girl started to yell at me for stuff but i did not yell back. i did not curse at her or hope for her to die because it's about something from the past. at first i was angry but God was never angry at me when i wasn't happy with Him. i wasn't angry at her but hope for people to stop glaring at her and hope she won't hear anymore bad rumors that she thinks i spread. i get upset about it, to hear her just say those words to me but i won't curse at her no matter what she says. i dont want to have enemies freshman year....
"father forgive them because they know not what they do"
i just went to the revival meeting today with the special speaker Ajith Fernando. i took some notes also and i think they're alright.
love in a complex world.
the biggest hurt comes from our family...
when there is a pain in our heart that we cant tell anyone, we find one person that we can tell and God can heal that pain.
God keeps forgiving us so isn't it just bad not to forgive others?
we did the worst thing we can do and went against God but he forgave us. so we must forgive people that have hurt us. romans 5:5 God's love have been poured into our hearts. when we see Jesus, we see His love is greater then the wickedness of people. God's love is greater that is why we must forgive others. people can do wicked things to us but He can turn it into something good. you can't outmaneuver God.
don't allow bad people to ruin our joy.
we are listening to ourselves when we should be talking to ourselves.
love is a decision we make.
"father forgive them because they know now what they do" Jesus says this as He was nailed to the cross. an african american girl going to school and being made fun of everyday prays for the parents that make fun of her. for they know not what they do.
we need to allow God to do our healing.
the love of God is greater then the burden of sin. the blood of Jesus Christ cleanses our sin.
hearing this message i have learned alot. just now a girl started to yell at me for stuff but i did not yell back. i did not curse at her or hope for her to die because it's about something from the past. at first i was angry but God was never angry at me when i wasn't happy with Him. i wasn't angry at her but hope for people to stop glaring at her and hope she won't hear anymore bad rumors that she thinks i spread. i get upset about it, to hear her just say those words to me but i won't curse at her no matter what she says. i dont want to have enemies freshman year....
"father forgive them because they know not what they do"
Monday, June 8, 2009
God's there when i need Him
its like God is there when i need Him the most.
he blessed me with a job this summer as syep.
and hopefully i will be able to work at SDC along with my many brothers and sisters in Christ.
my faith has been growing and it still is.
i prayed to God about this many times, and i hoped for a job so that i will have money for summer conference. it's like God is calling me to conference.
He got it all planned out for me. all i need is you Lord.
through the time where i felt i was at the lowest he gives me a miracle.
"I want to meet you over and over again. And I want you to make a fool of me over and over again.
I'll keep what you break until it wears me out. I'll stay with you until it breaks me.
I'll be the clown, the idiot, the dog....
I'm willing to throw away my pride and composure.
I don't need anything...
...only...
...Tell me you love me."
~deep inside my heart the words i been wanting to tell him
he blessed me with a job this summer as syep.
and hopefully i will be able to work at SDC along with my many brothers and sisters in Christ.
my faith has been growing and it still is.
i prayed to God about this many times, and i hoped for a job so that i will have money for summer conference. it's like God is calling me to conference.
He got it all planned out for me. all i need is you Lord.
through the time where i felt i was at the lowest he gives me a miracle.
"I want to meet you over and over again. And I want you to make a fool of me over and over again.
I'll keep what you break until it wears me out. I'll stay with you until it breaks me.
I'll be the clown, the idiot, the dog....
I'm willing to throw away my pride and composure.
I don't need anything...
...only...
...Tell me you love me."
~deep inside my heart the words i been wanting to tell him
when i think about the Lord
when i think about the Lord
i could forget everything else
i don't even think of him...
God's love is all that i need.
i seem to be forgetting that alot nowadays.
all i think of is being around him
and trying to confess what i feel..
i get sad whenever she is around him
whenever she talks &gets close to him
i feel so unloved...
but the truth is the only love i need is from God
because God's love never fails
it would never betray you
and its so easy confessing your love to God.
unlike telling a boy you like him and getting rejected,
God doesn't reject you.
i seem to be forgetting all this.
all i need is God's love and my brothers and sisters in Christ.
all i need is you Lord
i could forget everything else
i don't even think of him...
God's love is all that i need.
i seem to be forgetting that alot nowadays.
all i think of is being around him
and trying to confess what i feel..
i get sad whenever she is around him
whenever she talks &gets close to him
i feel so unloved...
but the truth is the only love i need is from God
because God's love never fails
it would never betray you
and its so easy confessing your love to God.
unlike telling a boy you like him and getting rejected,
God doesn't reject you.
i seem to be forgetting all this.
all i need is God's love and my brothers and sisters in Christ.
all i need is you Lord
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