yet another beautiful sunday

today i got jon's gutiar, named jasmine.
i had to return the yamaha =(
i missed the student leader meeting cuz i had chinese school and i didnt bother going to the patrol orientation cuz its stupid. i attempted playing guitar in chinese school while the teacher was out for a bit but i didnt notice when she came back, scared me lol

recently i been having arguements with my sister. just last night she slapped me again and threatened to cut the strings of the guitar i had. i slapped the gutiar too. although it woulda hurt her more then it hurt the guitar it breaks my heart hearing the guitars hollow noice when it gets hit. sum tong. it wasn't teh first in a while either. it's been happening so often like when shes actually home she gets to me. i try my best to not talk back but when it comes to guitar i can't take it. i needa hold back though. i dont wanna fight back. i could if i wanted to but it would make the situation even worse. last night i cried so much and cried to sleep i woke up in the morning to swollenish eyes but i could no one. the one person that knew i tried to call last night but i didnt have a working phone. when my tears started to pour his number came into my head. the number i memorized for so long but i couldn't call....i always think of him the first person to go for help other then praying to God but i have this feeling that im really mah fan to him. its just this feeling but he's so nice. its just so difficult. but God helped me in miraculos ways. He calmed my heart and gave me the courage to go through everything.
today in baptism class i got the baptismal registration form. i really want to just sign it. i really want to show my parents that form. but what will happen if i do? will i be able to live through the days to come if i show them that paper? i really want to take this step in my faith, but it can wait. i want my parents blessings if i were to get baptized. such uncertainty...

every now and then still theres that stab of pain in me. just seeing....i was such a fool and i still am for thinking this way...