PTC

=( only had time to go to the classes i got a 65 in....
at home = punishment

忘了一个人不容易

已经过了很久，我每次看到他，我会想起以前的好日子。我也想到夏天的时候，我很孤獨，很寂寞的时候。我还在想我对他还有感觉吗？我真的很想忘記他！他已经说他不喜欢我。。。為什麼我还在说这些话？！

report card day =(

i did soooo bad!
english -85
french -65
global -96
trig -65
health -93
chem -85
chem lab -80
soph tech -90

avg - 82.57

those two 65s brought my grade sooo much! can't believe i did so bad. i kinda expected it. i been doing pretty bad in math and french. i haven't passed a class yet but felix was nice to pass me cuz i do my hw and participate. so was grossman. i KNOW i didnt earn that grade in chem cuz i been learning nothing. how can i get that grade if i learned nothing. maybe if i ask him how i desereved that grade in chem lab he'll give me a higher grade. i guess it can bring my grade up a bit if its an 85. im going to work hard to get that 95 to go to winter conference. i'm determined too. i gotta work hard and just about everything else.

从你说爱我以后....
這我不回忘因为他是我力量。在我的心中，不回忘。我再想起他了。。。

keep holding on

i'm still holding on to it. where's the reason?
从你说爱我以后....
the moment was perfect, if u just heard it, you would think its cute but if u see it you would know why.

God's perfect timing

God truely does have perfect timing.
friday - i went with my daddy after school to the doctors and i spent 3 hours there. i would have gotten really mad cuz it was a friday and i would be missing bible study but i wasn't. i was thinking what if its something serious and i wasnt there for him. i wasn't one bit mad at all. and relieved it was probably just a mistake that he got called in. so where does perfect timing come in? i took the 6 train to canal to transfer to R to soho and i coulda chose either to walk through manhantan side or brooklyn side and some reason i just went on the brooklyn side. then i was walking and tim almost karate chopped me lol i hadn't seen him in a while and well God's perfect timing i bumped into him. he went on the train to go home. and walking further down the platform i saw marco! i havent seen in AGES! madd longggg. i saw a couple other old cunningham people too. lol so later i went to soho and got rachael's skinny jeans then just in time for the message for revival meeting :D

sooo today...
it was rachaels party! we had mucho fun SINGING!! ka-la-oh-kay!!! it was so awesome but the videos are gonna take forever to upload T_T i really like the last 2 songs. tonghua and budebuai. my fav cuz it was chinese. during tonghua i..... it was just a beautiful song. justin sounded so much better though. cuz he's a guy and its a guy song. i love that HUGE dish of sushi!!

busy busy busy!!

ahh i'm so busy nowadays!
mondays- SEEKERS!
tuesdays - maybe breakdance if not HW
wednesday - youth corner :]
thursday - leaders meetings & video workshop
friday - BS! bible study ;]
satursday- free <3
sundays - my day with God

and above all this i gotta keep up on my school work =)

my walk with God

i been doing well. i made the right decision not going to her party. even though it saddened many people, it didnt sadden my mom. she was happy i didn't go to 100 Fun and dinner. she didnt want me going to a bar and i'm proud of my decision. family is above all else. i want to witness to them the changes in me. i know the right decisions to make and God's guiding me the right way. it makes me so sad that i won't be able to attend the 100th baptism....but i'm slowly witnessing to my parents that i'm a child of God. maybe there will be a miracle happening.

sometimes i just want to blow up and punch a wall to let it all out

freedom of religion

my sister, angela just asked me now, are you becoming a Christian now? are you not a Buddhist?

this really shocked me, it came outta nowhere. how was i suppose to answer? tell the truth? i just said, freedom of religion. dont i have a freedom of religion or is it the culture that we grew up in tells us who we are? who am i? whose am i? i am God's child. HE is my heavenly father. i could have went on and on about this but doesnt she know who i am? didn't she see in the summer? in my heart i wanted to scream out this YES! i am a Christian but i didn't. it's so painful denying it but what will happen if i tell the truth....these words are stuck in my heart and it's just so hard to say within this family that are Buddhists. was i ever Buddhist? i always thought its the Chinese tradition that we do these things. i never really thought that it was religious even though i saw it in tvb. but by doing these things it writes out who we are. even if we haven't somehow accepted their religion, just being born into this family marked me as a Buddhist. God can see that i am not. everytime i am forced to do those religious things, i cry out to God. i ask for his forgiveness because i can't deny my parents. but again and again i continue to do this. what is wrong with me?! shouldn't i have the courage to tell my parents the relationship i have with God?

where is this courage?
i just feel empty not saying anything....

baptismal registration form

i was staring at this form for so long. even someone unexpected can get baptized...what about me? i hear God calling me to lead...how do i show my parents this? i pray to God about this but He hasn't given me an answer yet. or is the answer to just wait? something this big i dont wish to hide from my parents. i want to respect them. but this is driving me crazyyy!
"so what i can i say?
what could i do?
but offer this heart oh God
completely to you."

waiting...

video workshop

i look into my email......
high school video workshop acceptance!!!
king got accepted too :D at least i wont be alone there. can't wait for it. get my mind off things :]

yet another beautiful sunday

today i got jon's gutiar, named jasmine.
i had to return the yamaha =(
i missed the student leader meeting cuz i had chinese school and i didnt bother going to the patrol orientation cuz its stupid. i attempted playing guitar in chinese school while the teacher was out for a bit but i didnt notice when she came back, scared me lol

recently i been having arguements with my sister. just last night she slapped me again and threatened to cut the strings of the guitar i had. i slapped the gutiar too. although it woulda hurt her more then it hurt the guitar it breaks my heart hearing the guitars hollow noice when it gets hit. sum tong. it wasn't teh first in a while either. it's been happening so often like when shes actually home she gets to me. i try my best to not talk back but when it comes to guitar i can't take it. i needa hold back though. i dont wanna fight back. i could if i wanted to but it would make the situation even worse. last night i cried so much and cried to sleep i woke up in the morning to swollenish eyes but i could no one. the one person that knew i tried to call last night but i didnt have a working phone. when my tears started to pour his number came into my head. the number i memorized for so long but i couldn't call....i always think of him the first person to go for help other then praying to God but i have this feeling that im really mah fan to him. its just this feeling but he's so nice. its just so difficult. but God helped me in miraculos ways. He calmed my heart and gave me the courage to go through everything.
today in baptism class i got the baptismal registration form. i really want to just sign it. i really want to show my parents that form. but what will happen if i do? will i be able to live through the days to come if i show them that paper? i really want to take this step in my faith, but it can wait. i want my parents blessings if i were to get baptized. such uncertainty...

every now and then still theres that stab of pain in me. just seeing....i was such a fool and i still am for thinking this way...