im getting further and further away

I've just only realized how far away i am from the ones i love. I've been so busy lately i never get a chance to hang out with the ones i love. I'm sorry Erica i haven't been able to hang out with you and lots other people. i know to someone their problem may be the worst of the worst but there are people in the world that can far worse then what happened to you. I'm just trying to look on the bright side of everything. i don't want to keep asking God for answers to everything. i just want Him to show me the way of finding my answers.
I've been having such bad days recently...the last person i hang on to is drifting away slowly. am i a bad person? people pray for me everyday yet i don't. how did i get her to feel that i don't think of her as a friend. just hearing that makes me cry from my heart. for real. im trying to hold back my tears as i think this. it took us years to build up trust and it can get destroyed in seconds. this is really the first time her words made me feel so sad to just want to cry. maybe i just need to sleep it off and to forget this sadness.

did u ever get that feeling?

life's been a sucker for me today, but then again life isnt fair. crappiest thing happened today...dana is mad at me and i dunno why. maybe she is too sarcastic sometimes like erica had said. see after our game with Westinghouse which we won of course, we were playing with her pink hb and it was 3 vs 2. then lianne wanted next so one of us fresshie had to step off then i jus said i wanted to play and dana was like its really messed up cuz its her hb and she walked away. it seemed like half sarcasm and half serious but she did say it seriously. so then we didnt play and i decided to leave with kat, fanny and caroline. so i said bye to everyone and left. then when i was walking to the bus stop dana called me to see where i was at, i told her i was leaving and she got mad at me again cuz i didnt say bye? well i did maybe she didnt hear me but i know i said "bye im leaving guys". but now i dunno what to do cuz she's never got this mad at me...this is mad hard yo. and the tao test i took, i completely failed too! its been a bad day today. i hope tomorrow is better. i got dance practice tomorrow. and i gotta remember to get tickets for battle of the bands and of course they are for the second term seniors & my "bf" minje xD other then the bad stuff that happened, i got 42 dollars in total of donations for 30 hour famine and im hoping i'll get more tomorrow. i think im pretty good at this kinda stuff. like someone said like advertising and selling but i dont think helping world famine and selling something. but i really didnt like how some people said that the money probably wont even go to kids in Africa but its held by World Vision and lots of other churches did this already. i hope God can open the hearts of these people to see that there are really generous people out there. and the most thanks to ahmad that gave me 6 dollars of donations!! it was the most i got from one person!!!

sad sad day...

todays a pretty sad day for alot of people. i just read the blog for the death of Nikolay Sharavara and it has been a pretty tragic year for tech. 2 people has passed away this year and for the people that knew them both, it must have been hard for them to go through. and adding to that i got my report card today...i got a 78 average although it isnt correct it made me realize how bad i was doing in school. it doesnt seem as bad as my other friends that gotten wayy lower scores but it made me realize that i should be doing harder in school. i really have to bring those grades up to a 90 and i will try my best. more on this tomorrow. its PTC tomorrow =[

life is so fragile

i've realized how fragile life is. there has been 2 deaths this school year already and both of the deaths i have friends that know the person. over the weekend there has been the death of someone by the name of Nik that my friend knows. my friend has been so sad because of his death and it's hurtful to see friends sad like that. even though i have not seen someone really close to me die yet [i really dont want to] you realize how fragile life is. it's so easy to be sad. i've been thinking alot of how sadness comes so easily but it only comes if you allow it. i did not allow my sadness to take over me. i will comfort those that are sad cuz thats what friends are for. im glad to see that my friend isnt sad about the persons death anymore. at least thats wat he told me. i hope he really isnt sad over it anymore. although you can feel sorrow over a death you cannot mourn over it forever. one day you will move on and i hope my friend knows that.
other then the sad stuff that happened today, tomorrow is my tao test. yay.... and it sucked that my seat got moved in french again..i just got used to sitting there D= and its so funny having andy there xD he's so random sometimes, but i think atif is gonna be sitting near me T_T i'd rather have andy then atif =[ i been spacing out alot in class too. getting it from andy. i gotta do well! God is looking at me so i gotta do my best for Him and for my parents trust. i really wanna go to 30 hour famine. althought my parents still dont understand the true meaning of it i really wanna stay there overnight. i hope God's plan for me will go well.

don't underestimate me D;

1 Timothy 4:12 (New International Version)

12Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.

ahh i saw this verse on a facebook group and it seemed really meaningful. it's just telling kids like us not to look down on ourselves just because we are young. we are the next generation, we can do something. we should set and example to those younger then us. in how we speak like not cursing which i stopped and only do when someone reaches the bottom line and i cannot control myself. in life, make the right choices in life cuz there are kids looking at you as their brother or sister and believers that look at you and see that you can become a great kid when u grow up. in love, love one another as your neighbor as Jesus had said. in faith, show your faith and let the believers see that you a young child can do it also. just don't let anyone look down at you because you are young...i hope i explained this well...

i just realized that me writing here is equivalent to people like justin and kevin writing those notes on facebook. well kindaish i guess. today the start of the week was fun except me limping in school part. i still hurt from handball and feel very sore! i dont think im gonna be able to make practice tomorrow either. i gotta stop by hoffy's office tomorrow. dance practice was alright but im pretty behind so i gotta catch up!! im listening to so many songs on youtube today. i found really nice hillsong and chris tomlin songs. i needa dl them too. i hope tomorrow goes well.

my brothers and sisters

Matthew 12:46-50 (New International Version)

Jesus' Mother and Brothers

⁴⁶While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. ⁴⁷Someone told him, "Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you."^a]">[a]

⁴⁸He replied to him, "Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?" ⁴⁹Pointing to his disciples, he said, "Here are my mother and my brothers. ⁵⁰For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother."

Debby had this passage in her sermon today and i think it means alot. like even though its pretty disrespectful if someone says that today it really means that Jesus considers us His brothers and sisters. Jesus says that his disciples are His brothers and sisters meaning that we should treat everyone in church as our brothers and sisters. how great would do u feel when u hear Jesus say that we are his brothers and sisters.

another passage that Debby had was about forgiveness and one friend is having that problem right now and i really want him to understand. don't have someone panic for you if you dont want that to happen to you when u get older. would you want your child to do that you, just to get you worried and panic. even though they kicked you out, you should do things like that to get them worried.

Matthew 18:23-35 (New International Version)

²³"Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. ²⁴As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents^a]">[a] was brought to him. ²⁵Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

²⁶"The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' ²⁷The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

²⁸"But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii.^b]">[b] He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.

²⁹"His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'

³⁰"But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. ³¹When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.

³²"Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. ³³Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' ³⁴In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

³⁵"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."

you wouldn't want God to treat you like that so you shouldn't do that to your parents either. forgiveness is hard but God forgives us of everything wrong that we do so we should do the same also.

you are the way, the truth and the light

today i had my position tournament. i did very bad and lost in the first round. i never caught up but when i was losing by alot there was only one thing in my head. God has given me the strength to press on and go so much and catch up in score i couldnt ask for more. i did so much better by just thinking of Him and having Him in my head the whole time. dana made it. i lost to helen but this will def make me strive for next year. not making past the first round may be a sign. i have a feeling its like telling me to go on and be a student leader and put my heart into it. back then i would need barnes to help me through with his talks about faith but now im helping other people these talks and its makes me feel so happy. my walk with the king has gone so far, i want to go even further and stay at this spiritual high forever.
after losing that i went to bible study and we made it in time just before they started. we were talking about perseverance.
James 1 ¹² "God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." [NLT]
basically this is saying that whoever goes through all the trials in life, in the end God will bless those people. well first God gives us all these tests so we can learn from them and to let us know that He is there for us. it's like if God is always giving everything to us the easy way, we would take everything for granted and not work for it. simple as it can be.

no never alone

man i was just listening to this song on facebook from the BCBC concert and heather sings really good!! never alone. i gotta download that song when i get home. im in ocm now for youtth corner and on the comps. i should be practicing piano tho. i think i hear them playing hb in the other room lol. school was fine today and OMG senior pride day cross dressing!! lol will finish when i get hoem xD im takling to jamie on meebo when she is less then a feet away from me x] its fun here ^_^

why am i doing this?

i really wonder why i'm making another blog here while i have one for wordpress already... maybe cuz wordpress has my personal sad feelings =[ but i guess here will be my happy happy times and i hope there will be alot since i'm on the hb team and season is right around the corner. the position games are on friday and im so scared! i really want to be a starter but i know im gonna have to try really hard. school is a drag as usual [quelle galore]. got that from french. im actually learning somthing! maybe cuz i got motivation from hb. i cant fail a class and i cant cut...not that i would. and i've been watching the guys play, and i guess the only 2 people i respect would be andy and watson[the only 2 i know xD] well one reason they play awesome! and watson i hate personally cuz he's so mean to me in class D= but his hb skills are awesome so i really respect him for that. and andy he is really great, even his left is awesome. and the girls, they are pretty good but i can beat a few sophmores in doubles. i dont know about singles so im pretty scared for friday. and i got mucho hw for tomorrow so i guess i'll update when the results are in... at least i get a break tomorrow and i have seekers& youth corner. then theres wanting to be a student leader. its taking a big step. until later...i should be doing homework =[