what happened to the passion?

what happened to the passion, you lazy letting all the stupid things drive you crazy.

thats excatly how i been feeling now. i'm so lost, school is killing me, family is bringing me down, nothing is working out. and now at the worst time i think i like someone again. why is this happening...

i noticed your eyes whenever we came across a song that reminded you of her,
i noticed your grief,
i notice it all, but....
you didn't notice me looking your way.

happy birthday carmen liu

i've been very lost

i feel my old self coming back again. i dont feel the passion that i used to have. i'm feeling really lost. i dont know whats happening.

is it hb thats making me become someone i dont want to be? i haven't been able to attend church.

i think i'm falling apart.

山無稜，天地合，才敢與君絕

march is a long month

soooo i wrapped up the presents already and i'm writing my supperrr long card now :] i kinda learned how to play 1234 now lol it didn't take me that long learning the chords either.

i cant wait till tomorrow!!! i'll def blog more later!

God understands our prayers even when we can't find the words to say them.

coooool

2.26.10 was another snow day we had. it was fun.

alots been happening. haven't been able to keep this blog up as i had hoped. too much going on. pray for me guys.

for the season of Lent i gave up baking and Yaya's. the two things that i used my time and money on. hopefully with this i can focus on God once again and put myself back on track.

i got the present already :] it came today. i need an address though to leave it at =T

cny&valentine's day

today is indeed a special day. it's been ages since i blogged cuz there's been stuff going on. stella's message gave me an insight on love.
~how i love now is how i love in the future.
~love is not an emotion or feeling but a desicion and commitment.
i remember those quotes the most. we think about love so much that i come to question what is love. u never know who is the one. 2 samuel 13:1-19. that passage surprised me. i'd think stella would use a happy passage but this passage was about tamar being raped by her step brother anmon. the way anmon thought of love was an infactuation cuz he looked at tamar's body and not who she was. funny quote i remember was "girls love with their hearts, but guys love with their eyes" LOL super funny. like these things will actually make people think before they use the word love because it's so strong. infactuation is something i confess to. based on 1 corinthians 13:4-8, those are the words that describe the love we are suppose to have not only with your other half but with family and friends. love is not a noun, love is a verb...

many things happened this past month-ish. too much to say....i persevered through it all. i got many flowers this past week for a few people for valentine's day. they were nice. i got 3 roses today too. i was asked the same question and i gave the same answer. when valentine's day comes around all i think of is who God is going to lead me to in the future. love is not self-seeking.
i broke the chinese new year traditions and i'm finally able to be free sorta. i went to church the whole day instead of watching parades and lion dances. i'm happy to finally be renewed.

i think after today, i'll be more optimistic on some issues i have.

been sleeping again

im happy to say that im finally sleeping again. after a talking about some stuff with someone i feel like im able to let go even though that was only part of what i had to go through. there were so many things that i couldn't say out loud because i was so ashamed of myself but im unashamed to tell this to God and let Him be my Redeemer and take it all away. because of winter conference, i was able to let go and stop hiding it painfully. after letting it out i was able to sleep normally again. thanks kingston! the video reception went really well even though we were pretty late.

so i missed sunday school sadly again today...i feel really bad. and there will be screening for JAMS next week. i really think im biased toward some people and i gotta stop. idk why...i just dont like it. im sorta nervous for the screening but it doesnt matter cuz in the end its for God no matter where im singing praise to Him, from the crowd or leading it. i feel God's calling to lead people in praise because of my passion for praise. i might start learning piano and guitar hardcore after finals are over. i know i'll never be great at it but it'll be good enough to play for God. i just gotta try my best and if i still fail at it there's always the Scripture which i can turn to. i shall be optimistic more often now.

to find the silver lining.