still awake O.o

it's 4 in the morning and i aint the least tired yet. this is baddd. but during this time i also thought about how to witness to my family more. maybe through the tiniest cracks i can tell them somehow that i've changed for the better since i became a Christian. looking over my Bible for some answers too. i really hope i can wake up when school comes around and conference too. i tend to sleep like an hour really early in the morning >< this sucks D:

praising in the middle of times square

so today i went out with joycee chan ♥ i haven't hung out with her in ages so we went to ct and yaya's. i really wanted her to go to church with me and i nagged her to go. when we went up she thought it was really awkward and i got sad she wasn't really enjoying herself =T but then wen we where playing ping pong she started learning and got it down pretty quick. i barely beat her lol. i was happy she starting being more herself and having fun! then when pingpong fun was over she started playing handball with Ricky. i'm glad that everyone was trying their best to make joyce feel comfortable. i feel really accomplished having her enjoy herself. and maybe God has a plan for her to come back. but until that happens, i'll be praying for it.

well i missed devotions and had to leave early and go with my family to times square. we had sooo much fun in times square! i felt like such a kid again when we were in the huge Toy R' Us :] i played DDR with my sister!! we had soo much fun as a family and we were lucky enough to see the new years 2010 ball go up and down & light up!! soo cool! then when we were going to go home by the train, there was a big group of people singing how great is our god! i wanted to join too! then they sang lord i lift your name on high. i wish i had the courage to scream up JESUS! in the part. but my family was there. i really wanted them to stay and feel the enjoyment that i had. but in part i felt happy that they know somehow that i love singing these songs. even if it was for a moment, while praising God through those songs, i told them that YES I AM A CHRISTIAN! hopefully i can continue witnessing to them through these things that God planned! i know it was God's planning that we passed by that group of people. it wasn't just by chance. Thank You God!

van helsing

yesterday was a great day but i realized that all my life i'm so used to being bossed around by my sister, someone can tell me something and i would seriously think they mean it. like someone tells me to move over a bit and i would and not think of anything else. =/

anyways me carmen elaine courtney brittany kingston felix and harry went to MoMA!! it was so beautiful there. in a way, i love art! i really wanted to go to the Tim Burton exhibition but i needed a timed ticket. courtney and felix got in thought!!! D: and they didn't call any of us. first we all split up but then i walked around with kingston and only carmen and harry were alone =( MoMA is such a nice museum. i love the architecture of it. like you can see the second floos middle section where there's a big dinosaur from sooo many angles. i def wanna go there again!

well after the museum we had mucho fun for 2 hours and we were debating where to go.i was so tired x.x eventually we went to get sushi and crashed at felixs place. it's sooo beautiful there!!! his house is three floors and they own all of it. we stayed on the second floor. ate sushi family style! ^_^ but then elaine courtney and brittany had to leave and they called car service. we were suppose to watch a movie and we took sooo long to decide what to watch. i reallly wanted to see a millionaires first love but they all saw it. i wanna see it in a group lol. by like 7:30 we finally decided to see Van Helsing. a vampire/werewolf movie!!! soo cool!! even though i wanted to watch Titanic though. i left maddd late >< i was so afraid i would get in trouble again but of course i didn't cuz my sister went to sleep when i got home :D that was a relief. i had an amazing day fellowshiping with these awesomest brothers and sisters.

last sunday of '09

although i had to miss church today i still had fun fellowship-ing with everyone that went ice skating. even though nelson didnt go =.= i love ice skating. if it was possible i wished i took classes to figure skate better. i fell quite a few times. and skating with kingston reminded me of when we were in sdc a lonng while back lol it was so much fun that first year we went ice skating together. but i can still pwn him in ice skating :D sadly he didn't fall at all rawr i fell so many times!!! i still wanna go ice skating before the break ends and before conference. it would be just amazing if we could go as cana together. too bad we couldn't go on thanksgiving. i was superrrr tired after skating. when we got on the train, i couldn't even stand up. i was so tired...and HUNGRY!!! i wanted food lol so we went to eat with felix and calvin and i can't believe felix got so red from eating spicy foods haha. i enjoyed today alot. im reallyyyy tired now. tomorrow will be MoMa with kingston carmen elaine harry and maybe matt. it'll be funnnn!!

insomnia again

can't sleep again. i feel like writing more but my minds been empty. right now im talking to minje, richie and barnes. min and barnes, going to urbana tomorrow yet they're still awake. tsktsk

我们爱因为神先爱我们。

we love because God first loved us. - 1 John 4:19

i never realized this verse even though it was on my bookmark for so long. after looking up that verse and reading the passage following it, i have much to learn.

²⁰If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. ²¹And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.
-1 John 4:20-21

this i still need to put into my heart. many of us say we love God but we "hate" so many other people. very often, the word "hate" is used and it's such a strong word. we use it so lightly too. how many times in your life so far have u said u hate someone? speaking for myself i have probably said it daily before i met Christ and even after i knew Christ i may have said. maybe it was just coincidence that i remembered these words but it's definitely God's planning and reminder for me to not hate my family even though they've done so much to me. i need to persevere through these times. i can't say i love God that i've never seen and say i hate my family whom i known all my life. because God loved us first, we're given this feeling called love. and because i love God for all He has done for me, i must love the family He has given me. He is the only one that can fill this empty <3 into a full ♥

sometimes i feel like giving up and running away, but i'll always remember that God gave me all this because He knows i can handle it all. He's even given me such awesome friends that help me through everything. all in all it's His plan for me and i trust in Him.

weirdest dream last night

soo i still have insomnia buttt i took this like one hour nap and i had the weirdest dream. there was a bunch of people in it but the one thing i remember was constantly holding hands with this one person that i'd never think i would hold hands with. sooo weird. was it him? i wont name names cuz it'll be weird...as if it isn't weird enough lol it's like we were in a car and he ended up sitting next to me, then our hands touched and he held it close together. dreams are soo weird. but it's a dream so it'll never happen. dreams like this happened before. but they never came true. thats good. i still wanna be good friends with everyone and not let my feelings ruin everything :] i♥cana†