awkwardness

its getting harder and harder to talk to him...
does he know? dai low knows about it...i dont want so many to know...

second day of SDC!!
its been great. i have first graders, tim elaine and nic are my teachers. we get along pretty well but it seems like tim is the main teacher doing most of the stuff. its kinda weird working for him cuz i think i might slack off so i gotta watch out for that. the kids are cutee but we can't play with them like with the kindegarteners =( he is doing another grade. i didnt want to be so close with him all the time. especially when ppl start knowing who he is. the kids get nap time so thats like another break for me. everything is going well except....

i am afraid that he knows. i'm afraid of what he'll think of me.

the protector; the counselor

at the syep orientation thursday...
personality test... INFJ- The Counselor; ISFJ- The Protector.
i think i got the same as last year...

INFJ- the counselor
-always wants to help others
-about 1% of the population
-private and sensitive
-often studies liberal arts
-keeps eye on tomorrow, prize recognition
-seem mysterious
-can understand others emotions often before that person does ->has a sense of ESP or innate understanding of people, things & events.
-seek harmony around them
-good students that are high achievers who are very creative
-can be hard to get to know because they tend to be reserved
the most important thing is being faithful to their vision.
future jobs can be religious work, or psychiatrists.

ISFJ - The Protector
-dervice great satisfaction from caring for others
-kind quiet and dependable
-enjoy assisting the downtrodden and can handle disability and neediness in others
-not open or talkative unless with close friends & relatives
-sincere & serious
-strong work ethics, believe work is good and play is earned
-willing to work long hours
-very thorough
-can be misunderstood and undervalued
-dependable
the most important thing is living a stable, predictable life and helping people in real ways
possible jobs would be nurse,clergy/religious work, and social work.

i think most of it is true except i dont have ESP. im really thinking of doing something either in medical or religious work.

today the picnic at battery park was fun. it was so relaxing just lying on the grass and tanning. and looking at the river seems to relieve my mind of everything but the whole time i wished i retook the shsat so i can see him everyday and have that great view of the hudson river. i took a break from playing vball and frisbee and took a walk by teh river. its really great having that place of peace and quiet. its like that place i have in brooklyn. i really like it there. its nice that justin got that place everyday for lunch. i would go there if i can. i really just kept thinking of him the whole week. he was gone for so long...i really missed him. i'm glad he came back and i got to talk to him. i wish we can share that place of peace and quiet together. i long for that. maybe one day after work we can...i got the whole summer even if im not working with him. summer love may not be the best but i'll make the best of it with him <3

my 15th!!

omgsh finally 15!!
theres only one thing that made my day..he called all the way from south dakota!!! i was sooo happy!! i couldnt stop smiling!! well from the beginning...i went to OCM to paint 602 so kids can be in that classroom for sdc. there was too many paint chippings on the ceiling so we had to repaint it all. it was funn. i really didnt want to leave there. cuz that stupid orientation was boring as helll!!! but carmen, raymond, and courtney got me a hugeee balloon and a BIG lollipop... there were smaller ones inside it tho. but freaking there for 6 hours doing nothing and not even learning much...but afterr all that boring stuff a great thing happened when i walked out. he called me :D i was soo happy!! he called to say happy birthday! i was jumping in joy!!nelson and some other ppl said stuff too but i couldnt really hear and i got cut off. that really made my day!! it brought me up so much. then as i got to OCM they had something planned for me. they gave me a big surprise in the hallways. like they used those things from chinese new year and popped it!! 2 of them!! it was a big mess but i reallly loved how they did that for me. ricky gave me a teddy bear and david got me a penguin. james got me shades and and a chessecake from Junior's!!! it was goodd!!!
i enjoyed my birthday!! i just wanted to spend it with my friends <3 and at church i felt like i was at home even with those few people there. i loved it. i can say it was one of my best ones ever<3
he just made my day by calling me<3

last day being 14

i had such a bad day D:
first this morning i jammed my finger in the door -.- but it didnt turn black this time. it hurts tho >.< then i fell getting on the 6 train....AND i got rained on...
is this my bad luck on the last day of being 14?
hopefully being 15 will bring me good luck ;D
just a few more hours left!

power of praying

my 100th post :]

my first few days of summer i managed to fill it up with stuff to do. but sadly they left to south dakota. i was really tempted to tell him before he left. but this one question hit me. what do i expect from him after telling him. like being hit by a bullet. i ended up not telling him. i pray for their safety in south dakota. i saw Transformers 2 with xin ru, ahmad, and selina. it was nice with just a few people. i went to the beach on saturday with them cunningham besties. sunday was a day at church. at least dai low was there. and he didnt notice my depression. but i was sick. and mixing Yaya's with congee wasnt a good idea. had a super bad stomach ache after that. then today i spent it again with the cunningham besties at the movies nd watch transformers again ;D it worth it watching it again and it was mantinee. so i didnt pay as much. after movies at UA we walked from there all the way to justin's house and jeff was home too. we had mucho fun just chatting and singing. i had no clue philip liked to sing so much xDD

after reading the book Power of a Praying Teen for so long, i finally realized how helpful it is. praying does help me sleep quicker at night. and im so used to praying before i eat meals now. it's like God is trying to tell me something. and my next goal is to start reading His word more. amazingly when i couldn't sleep every night, i prayed . and God answered my prayers by giving me a good nights sleep. and i sunday God answered my prayers. my sister came to me and told me to go yum cha around 10 but i really didnt want to miss church. and afterwards she went to sleep. i'm so glad God answered my prayers and let me go to church peacefully. i can finally see God working so much in my life. i'm so glad.

I dropped my phone in the toilet today....it turns on but the buttons don't work...i gotta wait another night....

congratz tech'09

so today is finally the day my dai low graduates. tech'09 so fineee. lol that was on his status. im so glad he's so happy!! he must feel old hahas. but i feel kinda sad. im gonna miss him in school next year even though i still see him at church it won't be the same. it's like theres such a big difference between cana and zion. and things haven't been going well with my bear. it's like we're so distant now...i couldnt find much stuff to do the past few days. i feel so lonely sometimes. church just fills up my time and makes me happpy. ii can't wait for school tomorrow...i can't believe im saying it but at school i can see my friends and it makes me happy just seeing them. im really gonna miss my dai low. i can't wait for the graduation party we have in church. july 26. i'll remember that date.
i think i've decided on one thing though. i will tell my bear at summer conference my feelings. and maybe i should tell dai low too...but he'll kill me =.= he said no boys in hs or he'll kill me. but im unsure whether to hint to him how i feel so he can think about it when he's in SD. i might be rushing things but i've never liked a guy for so long without them knowing. especially a clueless guy like him. i was thinking of writing a note to him. and slipping it to him right before he leaves friday. i know dai low won't be there tomorrow for bible study. his prom date's birthday is tomorrow. i should ask xinru for advice. i really don't know whether to tell him or not. i have this urge in my heart to tell him! it's been 3 months since i've had this crush.

离家出走

有时候我真的想离家出走。我还记得这个歌janice-离家出走，可是那个时候我没有想过有离家出走。我想了又想。。。
大哥看到我很不开心。我不想他担心。我不想再烦他。
每一次我有事，我会打给他。我知道他会说我不是烦他因为我是他的妹妹，但是我自己觉得我烦他。我不可以再麻烦他。

alot has happened within the past few days. i been getting alot of people worried especially my dai low. im really sorry... i ran out when felix was trying to get me to eat lunch with them...i ran away from everyone...im really sorry. im really sorry for getting everyone worried on sunday....
i really appreciate my dai low always being there for me for so long. but i gotta learn to rely on myself. i dont wanna keep bothering him and he isnt always gonna be there for me after all he's going to college...